


Golden Darkness

by megamind_malemanipulator



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt, M/M, Mention of Loss, Mild Fluff, Modern AU, No Jily, Remus needs a hug, War Fic, alternative universe, mary mcdonald - Freeform, remus needs a friend, sirius committed a crime, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:02:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29537919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megamind_malemanipulator/pseuds/megamind_malemanipulator
Summary: with a war brewing, Remus and Sirius only find solace in one another. What will happen when both of them joining the resistance and everything they have built is jeopardised.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin





	Golden Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for school coursework where I based my characters orielle and nox on wolfstar so this is not the most canon story because I didn't want to steal ideas from joanne, pegiwen, mskingbean89 and wrapped up euyfjgcheridukfhoe enjoy!!!

Tick tock tick tock  
I stared at the large oakwood clock, my mind raced with worry and sickly thoughts. Would he ever come back? My heart couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. It had been hours since he was sent off to yet another mission. I hated the days when all I could do was sit around and overthink everything we had worked for and how it could be taken from me within seconds. He was my last chance of family. I interrupted my agony and steadily stood up, conscious that my legs might give out from anxiety and walked across our flat towards the kitchen and hoped a warm cup of tea would calm my nerves. As I reached out to turn on the kettle, the brittle front door flung open to reveal a beat up and bloody man, drenched from the rain. My heart faltered as my brain tried to process what I was seeing. He was home. My Sirius was safe. I made my way to him as quick as possible as he looked as though he saw a ghost. I could only guess the mission went horribly. As I went to embrace him, he collapsed from exhaustion. I sighed it was somewhere in between relieved and panicked. I brought him to the bedroom and laid him on the crisp sheets to rest and quickly went to the bathroom to grab disinfectant and wet towels. When I came back, he was still sleeping like a baby which made it easier on me to heal him. I applied some disinfectant to the cuts on his face and arms and prayed he wouldn’t squirm. As I applied the water and cleaned the cuts, I got a better look at his face: his pale porcelain face had lost even more colour; his structured face looked significantly slimmer as if his skin were hanging from his bones and worst of all he looked tired. Even when sleeping, he looked pained as if his face were permanently stuck as a grimace. Once he was cleaned up, I laid beside him and a sense of calm surrounded me as I drifted off with injured but alive Sirius next to me.   
I was soon awoken from my small but necessary nap to the sound of utensils in the kitchen. I walked towards the noise and saw Orielle making dinner.   
“Good evening Remus, sleep well?” Sirius greeted me with a dismal smile.  
“Are you okay? How was the mission? Who won?” I bombarded him. He laughed grimly and sat me down, “I’m completely fine, you saw when you cleaned me up just a couple of cuts. The mission, to say the least, was a disaster however both parties retreated meaning we still have a chance of winning this war.” He rambled hoping to satisfy my panicked curiosity. I sighed and went to hug him, shaking my head in desperation “that’s good enough for now” and we stayed like that for what seemed like hours knowing full well this war would take everything from us but basking in the idea of having one another.  
Seasons changed as blizzards and thick layers of snow became the light drizzle, tapping at the window, the war lingered in the air and by the time the sun came around, a thick layer of misery surrounded the world. The resistance against evil was growing weaker and winning the war seemed like a bleak hope and wish; Orielle was assigned more and more missions and I was left to worry just the same as last. However, one thing changed - I was part of the resistance. Each mission left me more emotionally and physically scarred than the last and I barely saw the one person I needed the most. It was as if we were like-charged magnets repelling each other every time we got close, needing the other but our duties to the Resistance pulling us apart.   
I was walking back home from a meeting about my next mission hoping Sirius hadn’t fallen asleep yet so I could explain the severity of it all. As I approached the front door it swung open and Sirius embraced me quickly before pulling me inside in a haste.   
“Is everything alright?” I asked, trying to keep a steady voice.  
“I got a call - about your new mission.” he replied slowly, “you’re leaving.” In a panic, I quickly blurted “only for a couple of weeks”. He sighed.  
“I barely see you anymore and now you’re going undercover for the opposite party. Tell me this is a joke!” I shook my head knowing I could not tell him what he wanted to hear. “I have to do this; you know I do not just for us but for the loss of our family and friends” I replied slowly hoping he would understand.  
“I have a terrible feeling about this Remus, I feel as if everything will change once you come back and not for the better” I made my way to the kitchen trying to avoid the sad look in his eyes  
“I can’t base my missions off of gut feelings. I have to do this”   
He let out a shaky breath and proceeded to sit on the sofa, I couldn’t bear to see his face contorted in such a negative manner, so I fled to the kitchen hoping he’d calmed down when I got back. Quickly turning on the kettle the seconds stretched out as I thought about this mission: 3 weeks, no help, surrounded by the enemy and the possibility I may not come back from this at all everything about this mission was horrid and terrible and my heart wanted no part in it, however, my head was telling me if I don’t do this, I could be hurting myself in avenging the ones I love and those who once loved me. The water finished boiling and brought me out of my daydream. I poured the water into two mugs and popped a tea bag in them and made my way to the sofa. Silently I sat next to Sirius, I glanced at his calmer expression and put the mugs on the table. I don’t know how long we both stayed like that. Just looking ahead. But at that moment a million words were communicated...almost telepathically. Peace and acceptance were declared within that time and he understood.  
The next couple of days were a mess. Between meetings for the resistance and prepping for the mission, I barely got any time to actually think. Mission day came around quickly and the idea of being amongst the enemy shook me to my core. “I have to go now” I whispered to Sirius as I heard his footsteps approaching me. He nodded sensing that I did not want to talk, he instead embraced me for a moment so at least he would get a proper goodbye.  
“Be safe and try not to get hurt” he uttered. I moved my head in agreement and walked out of the front door shaking with nerves. As I made my way to the location, I passed beautiful tall trees that had probably been here for centuries and small flowers in the long grass just begging to stand out amongst it. The journey came to an abrupt stop. I was here. Everything I had been working on for the past few weeks was about to be put into practice and I hoped that I was trained enough. I walked through the tall entrance and quietly glided across the marble stairs to the end of the corridor where I saw my ‘allies’ conversing. I held my head high as I walked in and looked around the room everyone’s face was stoic trying to work out who I was and what I was doing here.   
“And who might you be?” The person who was previously talking questioned with a steady but deadly voice. I took a sharp breath and kept my mind on the backstory the resistance gave me. “I work for the resistance” everyone in the room inched closer to me. He let out a grim chuckle “and may I ask why someone from the resistance is in enemy headquarters?”. To add to this role, I was playing I smiled slyly and looked everyone in the room coldly in the eye. “I got sick and tired of the resistance. Thinking they can play hero for something of their own fault. All they do is take and take and take from their members and give nothing in return. Currently, your message appeals to me more” I voiced with a cold expression hoping I wouldn’t break character. He looked around quizzically seeing if there were any objections to my presence. Everyone stepped back. “Very well you may stay for now, but may I request to see you after the meeting you just interrupted” I nodded stiffly and went to sit down at the long oak dinner table. The meeting was similar to Resistance meetings the only difference being that these meetings planned attacks and ours planned to stop them. They talked about the various locations they were going to pounce at in weeks to come and in only one meeting I received vital information. I completely understood why this was important now and didn’t have a single doubt about being here if it would protect people.   
The meeting came to a close and as people walked out of the room, I turned my eyes elsewhere focusing on the atmosphere around me. It was dark and definitely expensive with big grey chandeliers hanging from the ceiling but the room itself felt dismal and cold. “I am going to have some conditions since I’m letting you in” I jumped as he said that as I had been too distracted to notice that we were currently alone. Trying to recover I held my chin up and looked him dead in the eye. “And what may those conditions be?”. His brooding eyes looked into mine “You know exactly what they are” he replied in a threatening whisper “If I hear anything about you betraying us or exposing us, I will have you killed…”. I gulped and meekly nodded, completely losing my confident aura. “Very well, you are excused,” he said backhandedly as if he hadn’t just threatened my life. I scurried away without trying to reply, scared my voice would betray me and made my way up to find my other ‘comrades’.  
A couple of days went by painfully slow. As the seconds ticked by me realised besides meetings and waiting for the inevitable takedown there was not much to do here, everyone kept to their selves which made my life easier. I was sat in the library reading after I wrote a letter to the resistance about the last meeting detailing when the attack was set and who was involved. This was my way out. I thought about writing to Sirius but decided against it knowing that if I wanted to stay concentrated on the task at hand, I would have to keep him out of my mind. I put my book down on the mahogany desk and decided to do some snooping to see if I could gather some more intel. As I walked down the marble corridors that stretched miles, I heard a noise...not just any noise but a low whisper behind the door. I tried to go unnoticed as I put my ear to the door. I tried to make out what they were saying but the door was too thick and their voices too low. I was about to give up and carry on seeing this was close to impossible until I heard “he did it...he killed them”.   
Who is he? Who did he kill? My mind started to race, was it someone in the resistance? Should I mail them? My brain would not stop going. I willed myself to think responsibly. I didn’t have much evidence to send this to the resistance and it may not even be someone from the resistance. I decided that if anything showed up, I would search more, for now, we have to focus. And so, I walked off.  
The time had come. Everything fell into place. We were on our way to a village up north where everything would take place. I hoped the resistance were prepared to fight this because though the village was small it was still vital that this battle was won. We approached the village, locals cowering in their houses hoping we would leave. This was horrible, this war had taken so much out of those who didn’t even need to be involved. We stood there waiting for our command to strike when suddenly we heard a group behind us. We all turned simultaneously and standing there was the resistance who largely weighed out this group in numbers. They were prepared, only giving the enemy two options: 1. To risk their lives or 2. To retreat now for the sake of numbers.   
Both parties stood in silence calculating and deciding what to do next. It was when the enemy started walking towards the resistance when everyone stood rigid. They whispered ahead and no one but the head of the resistance and the leader of the enemy could hear what was going on. Everyone held their breath. They both turned back to their parties. “Attack is off...disperse” the leader announced, and everyone left whispering amongst themselves. I was about to go find the resistance when I was pulled aside.  
“I will hold you accountable for breaking the rules one day” the leader uttered to me staring me down with a glint of madness in his eyes. I kept quiet and tried to stay calm as I got out of his grasp and left that torturous party. Never to return as a spy but as a target.  
I walked through the brittle door feeling content that after three long and stressful weeks I was home, and he was there right in front of me as if he were expecting me to be there. A large smile made its way onto my face as I tightly embraced him. It was so amazing to be back to my comfort and to my home and to everything that made me happy.   
“How have you held up?” I asked laughing as I said it. He dramatically put his hand to his heart and acted as if he were wounded “oh terribly, it’s like I have no idea how to look after myself” he said with a sarcastic smile playing on his lips. We stood there for a minute and just laughed and I that feeling of joy was something I hadn’t felt in a long time. We stood there for a moment more calming down and finding it hard to believe I was standing there...unharmed.   
“Right, let’s go sit down for a bit” I mumbled...utterly exhausted from everything. He nodded and sat down on the grey sofas. We sat in a comfortable silence as I took in everything that happened. I was back. I was alive. Sirius was okay. Things had really started to look up, that win had given us an upper hand in the war, and we weren’t going to waste it! After what seemed about an hour I finally spoke.   
“Can you imagine that once this is all over, we can go back to living proper lives with one another? Not in solidarity and pain” His face softened at the statement I seemed to have had rendered him speechless he just nodded and looked me in the eyes acknowledging what I said passively.   
“Remus, I need to tell you something” Sirius suddenly declared I sat up to show I was listening.  
“I-” He began. There was a knock at the door or rather someone banging on it quite obnoxiously. I gestured that I would be back in a minute as I went to answer the door.  
“Hello,” a police officer said. The police? What was going on? “We’re looking for a Mr. Black” at this point Sirius had come to see what the fuss was about, and I saw his face pale. “He has been accused of murdering a Ms. McDonald about 9 months ago, we’re going to have to take him to the station” The police officer continued.  
“Excuse me...what?” I sputtered out thoroughly confused and convinced it wasn’t true but then I looked at Sirius’s face. My Sirius. My only family. My future. He looked...guilty! After that, all I heard was white noise. All I saw was the tears that were blinding me. At that point I realised Mary McDonald worked for the resistance, we all thought she went missing. Did he know? He was always vague about missions I always played it off as if he were mentally hurting from what happened and ever pestered him. He knew something bad was going to happen after my mission. He knew something was coming! I was filled with betrayal, sadness, rage. And as I heard the handcuffs click around his wrists, I looked him dead in the eye trying to find the person I knew 5 years ago. But all I saw were brooding eyes, he bowed his head as in to ask for forgiveness. I looked at him with an unreadable expression and shook my head, now fully sobbing. He and the officer turned their back and left my house and I saw the last of him and his black hair before the door slammed shut.  
My body was drained from all the sleepless nights and constant crying. My voice was hoarse from all the screaming I did after the ‘incident’. He ruined everything. I don’t know why he did it, but he ruined everything I talked about. People were celebrating the end of the war. I was mourning the loss of someone not even dead, someone in arms reach but not close enough to get too. I feel sick thinking about the way I still want to defend him with all my might. Someone so...heartless does not deserve my efforts yet I still crash every time someone mentions him and his crime. He was going to tell me what he did before the police came. Maybe I may have reacted differently, kinder. I might have let us have an actual goodbye of some sorts but the way he waited to tell me something so morbid and treacherous makes me physically shake with rage. I know no one will ever replace him but I will never let him back into my life and I hope he feels ten times the amount of pain I am feeling right now. He caused this all.

**Author's Note:**

> this was a bit depressing sorry lads. however pls do give me some kudos if you enjoyed and some feedback!!


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